Impossible! It must be the wrong patient! This is not my diagnosis! I feel just fine. I can still drive, go to plays, museums, and shop. I enjoy traveling and am planning a long trip to visit new countries. I have a family, grandchildren, and a wonderful husband. I am 68 years young and have many plans. I mean really? After my diagnosis, I went to see Taylor Swift live in concert in Las Vegas. Thanks to my son John and daughter Sarah who sat on Ticketron all day to buy me a ticket to see Taylor Swift perform in person. It was an amazing night that kept me on my feet for all my favorite songs. There is nothing wrong with me if I can dance for three hours!
I still have many places to go and things to do. My life after teaching and bringing up a family is just beginning. Really? Give me a break! Not now! Please? Several weeks have gone by since my diagnosis. I have finally been able to put my thoughts down in this Blog without crying. I am strong and a survivor. I hope that by sharing this unique time in my life other people can find comfort in my experiences with the disease that I can only call 'A'. Saying the name of the diagnosis aloud only brings fear of the unknown, a sinking feeling in my stomach, and tears to my eyes. I have finally stopped feeling sorry for myself in hope that I can enlighten you.
What a great Taylor Swift Concert! In the red theater lights, I was surrounded by stylish Swifties of all ages in sequins, satin, and shimmering outfits. I sang, danced, and mingled with other fans for a three-hour concert! I couldn't be sick if I can climb a hundred steps to my seat and stand in line for hours to buy a Swift T-shirt. There is nothing wrong with me or am I in denial?
I am worried, anxious, hyper, and a bundle of nerves. I can't sit still in a chair and have to be doing something at all times to take my mind off my new diagnosis. I don't even want to repeat what the doctor said or even think about my future living with 'A'. That word is just not in my vocabulary. It is a sign of old age, memory loss, and lingering death. It makes me want to scream, crawl out of my skin, and cry. Please tell me you made a mistake, doctor. I must have the wrong test results, an incorrect brain scan, and definitely the wrong birthdate. This is not me! I am still young at age 68 and have a long life to lead. I want to visit my family, friends, travel, and go out to eat in exotic restaurants. I want to live life and remember what I did yesterday. Please do not take my memory away! I cannot accept the 'A' diagnosis. I still feel great today and am very cognizant.
I am a lifelong student, teacher, and adventurer. I want to write about the wonders of life, ponder the message in the stars, and dance on the beach under a full moon. I will not accept that the 'A' disease has infiltrated my brain. I have always been proud of where my mind has taken me in life. I love to learn and have university degrees from multiple universities including a Bachelor, two Masters, and a Post-Masters Degree in Education. I have a long, exciting career that has taken me all over the world to work with students, teachers, and administrators on four continents. I am not going to add the 'A' diagnosis to my resume. I would like to add the 'A' continent of Antarctica instead. I have taught students to become teachers at universities, published articles in educational journals, and presented at teacher conferences around the world. I love to learn, write, and share with others. Recently, I published three Amazon Kindle books for Children, Young Adults, and Women. I love to write, teach and am still subbing in my retirement at my former school.
I will not give up on life and what I enjoy. I will continue to teach, learn, and love. I will be the best person, wife, mom, grandma, sister, and aunt I can be. I am a lifelong learner. My next assignment is to research, ask questions and gather as much information as I can about the dreaded 'A' word. I cannot write it or say it yet. When I hear people talk about the 'A' word, I just want to leave the room.
Instead, I want to talk about books, music, movies, and restaurants. I don't want to focus on ailments, aches, or pain. I am healthy and this too will pass. At least I hope so. I am not ready to accept my diagnosis yet. It could be a mistake or the symptoms are a long way off or they mixed my chart up with someone else much older than me. I have so much to do, so many places to visit, and so new people to meet. The world is waiting for me. Please let me stay a while longer to enjoy the simple things in each day and place. I still need someone to love, something to do, and something to be proud of. That's not asking for too much. Is it?
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